Madame x lives in a nice neighborhood…. Not too fancy, not gated, no rolling lawns, but well kept and generally desired. It is a typical planned development with tract housing….. When Madame x’s husband got the brilliant idea to get married, luck befell them and their names mysteriously jumped to the very top of the waiting list for the very best house in the whole entire tract (about to begin construction). Madame x and husband were able to oversee all the details and soon happily moved into their new abode.Enter the neighbors…. Across the street, the retired couple (way before WE were the retired couple)…. I refer to him as ‘Buttsniff’…. Because Buttsniff encouraged his Buttsniffing dogs to come over to our lawn to do their buttsniffing pooping……. I don’t know this for a fact, but there is no changing Madame x’s mind.
Next to Buttsniff, lived the “Diva and the Wimp” , She was the Diva because that actually was her real name, Deva… (no sh.t!) and the Wimp because he groveled around her like some kind of houseman and yammered his troubles to anyone within earshot. Soon the Diva tired of the Wimp and divorced him and they all moved away. That was it for awhile, until the neighbor on the other side of ‘Buttsniff’ filled his garage to capacity and not wanting to litter up his driveway, started parking his car in front of Madame x’s house…. For some reason, this chaps Madame x’s ass, so she has begun calling him Buttsniff also. Now, Madame x’s husband (who is not disturbed in the least by any of this) is confused about whom Madame x is referring when she is muttering profanities about Buttsniff.
The cruelest blow came upon Madame x’s retirement…. It seems the neighbors behind us have adopted two new dogs. Little yapping –excited-yapping –nervous- pacing- yapping dingo looking dogs. Any.little.noise.sets.these.psycho.circus canines into a frenzy of frantic barking….and it goes on and on and on for.ever. It is a good thing Madame x is leaving town and has a chance to become calmed and well rested before dealing with the ‘the owners of the dingo dogs’. Because, deal….she will.
Over the years, Madame x has learned many lessons in patience and good-will, she has strived to over-look minor annoyances and pet-peeves in order to maintain this good will and excellent rapport with the soon to be teenagers and their respective parents.
As Madame x’s husband reminds her (constantly) “We will set an example of good neighbor(ly) living”. And so, we do.
Inhale pink…….
Exhale blue….
Thursday, August 30, 2007
We the beleaguered …besieged and harassed….
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Wine Country
Madame x has waned of late in accompanying her husband to the races…but she always agrees to this particular race. Smack in the middle of a heavenly little valley of thousand year old stately oak trees and row after row of brand new grapes… The restaurants, the vineyards, the Spas all outdoing each other in excellence…. The weather is delicious and the town folk friendly and accommodating.
I may or may not get a post in tomorrow. If not, I’ll see all you working stiffs in another ten days. At any rate, I’m sending a postcard to this guy while in Calistoga….. Maybe you can send him one from your county.
Tah
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Watering Cans and Lawn Ornaments
Monday, August 27, 2007
Whatever do you mean?
What is happening, that all of a sudden my life is so much busier ...now that I’m retired.... than when I was...not...retired?
When I am the most behind ... with too much to do before leaving town... and I have exactly 15 minutes to get to my destination 20 minutes away
Why is it that , the door bell rings.
Where is it written that I must not politely close the door on the two nice looking young men wearing white short sleeves and black ties... gripping in their ‘eager to share paws’, a copy of the
Wait for it.....
Watchtower Magazine.
Do I pray? (they inquire)
Huh? (I reply)
How do you pray? (they again inquire)
Uh, uh... well lets see........
Dear God, please don’t let there be a chain smoker sitting in front of me at the red neck races this week –end... yeah yeah yeah I mean amen... no wait....
Dear God, please let the black pants I plan to wear to the play next Tues, fit. The ones, I’m NOT trying on because they might not fit.
Yeah that! I mean amen.... no wait
Dear God, never mind the black pants.. Please don’t let a really, really tall guy that moves his head constantly side to side sit in front of me at the play next Tues. hallelujah! I mean amen.
Oh and let there be world peace..... for now and ever.... and I mean amen
so it is written
Friday, August 24, 2007
Worst and Best
This is the worst picture, of all the gazillion pictures I took.. notice the lovely rock...which is in perfect focus.
This...however... is the best picture I took (for so many reasons)
***the weather was freezing *** the entire time
Boat drinks*
Waitress we need twelve more boat drinks
I think we got cabin fever.....Somebody sound the alarm
This photo was taken on the last day of vacation
and I think it is amazingly focused
considering
Monday, August 13, 2007
Wiedersehen
Madame x goes dark for ten days.... I'd take the laptop, but alas no internet cafes in the great northern wilderness....besides, the beauty booth takes an awful lot of room :)
why bother with beauty supplies, you ask?
Because Madame x's husband was promised serious bribes (of a private and personal nature)
to make up for the wallpaper incident....therefore, Madame x must look her best
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Wallpaper
Twelve hours peeling off wallpaper ... the damn stuff must have
been put on with Rhino Glue...
I wanted to take a photo of the ensuing mess of water and little
bits of paper debris everywhere, not to mention the sweaty brow
of madame x’s husband... but his
murderous
look gave me pause.
He’d like to get his hands on the asshat that put that stuff all the hell over
the laundry and bathroom walls twenty years ago.
Oh wait.... that was me.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Will Call...
We will be leaving next week for what amounts to a months worth of vacation.
First to the beautiful wilds of Canada for fishing and general good times with some wonderful friends.
Upon arriving home we just about have time to repack and head out for eight days of ‘Dirt Track’ racing.... in Northern California. Madame x's husband loves this stuff.....
I thought it would be a fun time to take two days and drive into San Francisco to see a play and have a nice meal.....
Reaction....
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Wasted Day....... and a Worthy Cause
Yesterday I only had time to comment on one post before I headed to the hospital for a medical test. A ridiculously long test requiring Madame x to lie very very still for long periods of time as a giant space ship hovered over her with about 1 inch of breathing space. If I have your sympathy and attention.....I bring you this click HERE TO read about it and DONATE or click here to donate directly (thanks to Em) Thanks Em! Leave a dollar or two...it's easy... it's fun... it isn't fattening So ends the PSA.... and THANK YOU THANK YOU for reading..... and maybe even donating.. Madame x
If you are so inclined to contribute to a worthy cause...besides your own families health and welfare, this is a good one.... It is about the children. I will just copy and paste my niece’s description as she says it best. I will tell you that my niece is an attorney in LA and she is ‘good people’. I haven’t truly researched to see if the money actually gets to the intended children, but I believe KT has an honorable group of friends and that it will.
From KT's blog: Share our Strength, an organization that works to end childhood hunger in America and the organization that put on the recent Taste of the Nation event, is bringing you a new way to contribute to the cause.The Great American Bake Sale is a campaign to get people to host bake sales in their community to raise money to aid children at risk of hunger.This is a way to contribute for those of us who may not have $100 to pay for a food festival, but may be rich in friends and neighbors who like to eat (and who doesn't, really?)
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Weighing in.....
wanted to start watching my nickels and dimes..
Trader Joe’s (Proudly supporting the arts, one chalkboard at a time) only carried the extra large gourmet organic w/stems at $5.00 a pkg which holds about seven beautiful strawberries
And last….the local Farmer’s roadside stand. $9.00 a flat… Not as pretty as peak season, as you can see by the photo, but so big and fat and heavy you can hardly carry the things to the car. Twice the amount of strawberries for less than half the price.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Worn Out
Migraines...what do they look like?
They can ruin a week-end ...that's for sure
Found this on the web.... as I was trying to get some new info re: the dreaded migraine.
This is Mark Fitzgerald's vision (of his aura) at the onset of a migraine.So amazing to me, because
this is what I see.... only mine is a bright pink superglowing blob. Pink isn't even a good word....Magenta....a pulsating, glowing, neon Magenta blob. When I see this blob, I know what is coming.... Oh God.
I haven't found any new information.... but these are some of my own ideas about my migraines.
1. They are not 'cyclic'... the only cycling I do is on an exercise machine and I actually don't do that either.
2. They don't seem to be food related. As in, Chocolate, Cheese, Wine.....the big three of the migraine culprits....
3. Stress? maybe... who knows. We all tend to make our own stress, outside factors only exacerbate what makes us anxious.
4. For some reason, I feel quilty getting them, as if I caused them somehow. As if I'm being melodramatic with the throwing-up and sleep of the dead. As if I'm looking for attention .
5. Pity the poor husband standing by, especially when he wants to do something for you....and you just want to be left alone....in a dark room....with four pillows on your head.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Word for the Day
A ghostly counterpart or double of a living person.
[From German, literally a double goer.]
I was reading the label on a prepackaged deli item when I first felt her stare. I glanced up but she quickly looked away. The next encounter happened two aisles later coming from opposite directions – she hesitated slightly as we passed, as if she wanted to say something to me.
Finally, four more aisles down the road and there in front of the instant oatmeal I decided to end her misery (for all the furtive glances) and I offered an encouraging ‘Hi’.
Good Googa Mooga! The verbal floodgates sprang open with an outpouring of multiple ‘Oh my Goshes’ It seems I am the EXACT (right down to the haircut) …spitting image of her cousin Kathy Jean who lives in Canada. It did peak my interest though, as I slowly backed away. Oddly enough, this happened to me once before about fifteen years ago. A saleslady in a boutique was astounded at how much I looked, acted and even talked like her best friend. What are the odds...that there are two people in this world that look EXACTLY like me?
So, Kathy Jean: if you’re reading this…. Send a photo, especially if you are tall and thin… I'd like to see how I'd look
Tall and Thin
FYI: 179 years from now,on this day ... - Kevin Thomas Riley, Tasvennir, Tarsus IV (Star Trek) will be born 8-5-2186
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Weekly World Journal … Hasta La Vista Baby
after 28 years of headlines such as this, (see below) the WWN is signing off...........
MUTE DRIVER HONKS OUT A ROAD RAGE IN MORSE CODE — WWN
beep beep beeeeeeep beep
beep beep beeeeeeep
beeeeeeep beep beeeeeeep
Oh man, where are we going to go to find out the important stuff? Inquiring minds need to know:)
Totally weird or fake news, with fabulous headlines created to make your grocery line wait tolerable if not educational..
As Larry Williams of the Hartford Courant said…"it’s a sad day for pretend journalism"
or is it?
Friday, August 03, 2007
Witherspoon..........is it the money?
Ding,Dong .....Bo-Hylurox calling
the unsuspecting first time......
Thursday, August 02, 2007
What’s that?.....you say
- Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors
- In the Wizard of OZ Dorothy's last name is Gail. It is shown on the mail box.
- Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
- Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
- According to Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, it is possible to go slower than light and faster than light, but it is impossible to go at the speed of light
- Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty," but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott".
- Spencer Eldon was the name of the naked baby on the cover of Nirvana's album
- In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
- In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere
- The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.'
- The last NASCAR driver to serve jail time for running moonshine was Buddy Arrington.
- St. Augustine was the first major proponent of the "missionary" position.
- The first video ever played on MTV Europe was "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits.
- The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
- If you were born in Los Alamos, New Mexico during the Manhattan project (where they made the atomic bomb), your birthplace was listed as a post office box in Albequerque.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Way way .... long ago
Today is the first day in fifteen years that our rental house sits empty.... I will always love this house, as it represents a major milestone in my life as a single Mom.... Purchased in 1975, it had to be co-signed with my parents, even though I was able to come up with a 30k downpayment. They didn't trust single women buyers so much in those days, plus I had a fairly low paying job. My mortage payment was $278.00 a month, including impounded taxes. I paid off the mortage eighteen years ago.
We drove over to take inventory on maintanence and repairs....and found these vintage photos tacked to the otherwise bare bulletin board on the back porch.
pictures were taken.....sixty-five years ago. What a great thing to have! You cannot tell by the top picture...but that is a dirt road in front of the house. Evidently, a young soldier rented a room back in the WWII era. He stopped by the house on a visit back to our town and dropped by to see how it looked all these years later and brought photos to share.
The house has not seen too many (exterior)changes... But no longer has shutters, I think we need to get some......don't you?
I'll post a current picture as soon as the place is spruced up a little.......
Wicket W. Warrick
Species:Ewok
Gender:Male
Height:.8 meter
Weapon:spear, sling
Vehicle:hang glider
Wicket W. Warrick was a loyal, curious and adventurous young Ewok scout when he first met Princess Leia Organa in the forests of Endor'smoon. The lone Ewok found a strange offworlder knocked unconscious from a speeder bike accident. Tentatively prodding her with his spear, the jittery scout was surprised to find this strange creature not only alive, but friendly as well.
Galactic historians would be surprised to note that this friendship led the way to an alliance that helped overthrow the Empire.
Wicket led Leia to his Ewok village, high in the trees of Endor. There, the Ewok leaders learned of the Galactic Civil War. It wasn't long before the Ewoks pledged their loyalty to the Rebel Alliance, and helped the Rebels in their fight against the Empire. Were it not for the Ewoks, the Rebels would not have been able to infiltrate and destroy the Imperial shield generator complex on Endor. With the generator down, the Alliance Fleet was able to penetrate the second Death Star's superstructure and destroy the station